the other me *edit*

i have come to believe that no friend is for life. at least, it has never been evident in my life. perhaps it is because i'm a person who moves on and adapts quickly to new environments. it's not easy to keep up with old friendships while working to foster new ones. i envy people who are able to do so.

to be dead honest, i can't tell who my friends are. i mean, sure, there are people whom i can eat with, chat with and laugh around with once in a while. but it's all mostly surface. and then there are those to call when really dying and desperate. cause well, at normal times, it's prolly not urgent enough to make time for.
i'm sorry if i'm offending anyone. but really, how often do you think of me? when there's an event, an activity, makan or hang out or what not?

Over

i don't belong to a gang or a clique or a group. i don't have people that i see every day and do things with all the time. there's nobody i share life with. and no, no more email threads. not anymore.
there's no one that's really there at all.
i doubt. when people say they care, they love me, they are there for me or that they miss me. i wonder what's the extend of it. it's becoming mere words that are tossed around. they don't mean half as much as they're supposed to.

Exposure

some might argue that there's still justin. yet, my would-be boyfriend and i would prefer to still maintain the friendships that we have and continue on this journey with the people that we love. but somehow or rather, some friends have already chosen to end it. it hurts to know that the people closest are the people who'd turn their backs. and it hurts more to know, that the only friend i may have left is him.
a season to walk alone. as a mentor puts it. why do you want to fit in? why do you need to belong?
but Lord? why now.. to be in a place where i barely belong. to fit in with people who shut me out. to be broken and dying on the inside but yet having to struggle to pull through. i do not understand Your ways. nor will i ever make sense of Your plans.
but Daddy..? if i'm going to make it. i'm gonna need a lot of help from You. cause, at this point. i'm wasting away. emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically. i've never felt so pathetic. teach me to sought after You alone. to be fulfilled and contented just as i am.

leave me Lord, abandoned to Your praise.