flip side

i am sorry.
if i am unmotivated for studies, if i am tired with life, if i am sick of issues around.

i am sorry.
if i seem indifferent, if i seem overly sensitive, if i seem disconnected.

i am sorry.
if i didn't listen, if i didn't see, if i didn't care.

i am sorry.
if i lacked prayer, if i lacked patience, if i lacked praise.

i am sorry.
if i'm doing too much, if i'm doing too little, if i'm doing nothing.

i am sorry.
if i tried and failed, if i failed but still tried, if i didn't even bother trying.

i am sorry.
if what i was is not who i am, if what i am is not who i want to be, if what i have become is not all you want me to be.

i am sorry.
if i have been a lousy friend, if i have been a lousy daughter, if i have been a lousy christian.

i am sorry.
if my dreams have been put aside, if my promises have been broken, if my words have been crude.

i am sorry.
if my life is messed up, if i have messed up your life, if this mess is all my doing.

i am sorry.
if i am not good enough, if i think i'm better, if i didn't give my best.

i am sorry.
if i am not woman enough, if i am too girl, if i am nothing feminine at all.

i am sorry.
for all the things i have done wrong. for all the things i could have done right. for all the mistakes i knew not.

i am sorry.
because you accused. because you didn't understand. because i didn't let you

i am sorry.
because i need encouragement too. because i am human. because i'm running really low.

i am sorry.
because i have not been real. because i am unable to trust. because i have been hurt.

i am sorry.
because times of trials have come. because i want to see this friendship last. because i'm upset that you all don't give a damn.

i am sorry.
because you heard me loud and clear. because you did it on purpose to piss me off. because maybe you don't see me as worthy a friend.

i am sorry.
because i allowed the trivial to affect. because i can't stop the tears. because i've lost the joy.

i am sorry.
because i'm just trying to get better. because the storms are still coming. because i am weak.

i am sorry.
because i miss you and you and you and you. because i miss all of you. because i feel unstable.

i am sorry.
because i know you all care. because i still allow my grief. because i shouldn't feel alone when i'm not.

i am sorry.
because i am lost of words. because i had to unload. because i wish.. that you'd be sorry too..