you

i was shocked. i guess i thought that perhaphs the letter had gotten lost somewhere.. and maybe a little bit of me hoped that it had.. so you wouldn't think that i was so immature. like i always am when it comes to you. though i always try to be so strong.

we both failed each other in some way or other. i wasn't the best. however much i tried to be. and although you aren't perfect, i always saw you as someone i respected with all my heart. i told you that you are the best. and till now, no one else can fill that spot.

i've learned to be a little bit stronger.
i've learned to be a little bit colder.
i've learned to be a little bit wiser.
and i've learned to be a little bit happier.

but i love you.
it's a fact that i can not deny. and it's obvious in my eyes. no matter how much i try to pretend, or brainwash myself.. even at seasons when you don't cross my mind, and i think that i'm all fine and dandy.. reality always hits me.

as time passes.. the feeling fades a bit. the pain subsides. and i am able not to hold on so tightly anymore.. i am able not to hope so greatly anymore.. and i do understand. i do. i have stopped finding reasons or excuses or even people to blame.. i even stopped accusing myself. life comes with loss. and i'm thankful that you are still there. in your own sweet way.

and you know what? you're the only one that tells me that it's not ok when i say that it is. you're still the one that will not allow me to attempt to face life on my own.

yes. we both have much to catch up on. but time and opportunity does not permit. someday. someday we will. and no. it's not ok. we'll work through this. we will. :)

thank you for not giving up. *hugz* and *hugz*