burning..

i hate you..

i hate you with such a passion that even i don't understand..
never have i felt this way before.. being utterly disgusted at someone till a point whereby i even distaste myself..

i cannot even talk to you face to face
i cannot even look you in the eye
and the funny part is
i have no idea why

it's all a game to you isn't it? it's fun isn't it? to see me twirling round in circles. to see me so affected and down on the floor.. it's pure joy isn't it? that you've broken what was once whole.

not even half of what i used to be. not even living, i'm barely alive.

and the sucky part is i have to pretend. i have to carry on like nothing happened. i have to be strong. and i have to cover your tracks, protect you, so that you can continue to soar. i want to know, have you even thought about me? have you ever even considered me? what about me? what about my feelings? what about how people think of me? it doesn't matter does it? you're always the good guy, and i'm just the fool.

i'm living a lie.

my life's screwed and my life's a mess. and i'm still hanging. waiting and waiting for your answers or explainations or whatever excuses that you have. so what if it doesn't matter to you? so what if it's not important to you? for goodness sake, do some charity and set me free!! is that so hard?????? you're mr. nice guy right? you're mr. sweet right?? right??????!!!

just liberate me.. just settle this once and for all.. just.. cut these ties cleanly.. please.. i don't want to be a slave to these bondages anymore..

please.. let me go..