i told myself i wouldn't write about you anymore.. but i can't help it.. i always do this..


why? the questions swim in my head. i have no answer. i have minimun response. i want to ask. i want to search. but i cant. i dont allow myself to. i respect. i love. i care. i try to understand. but i just dont get it.


put aside.
for now?
or forever?


maybe you should have taken it back when i offered to let it go.. then perhaps it wouldn continue to hurt so bad..


you have no idea.


been maxed out these few days. everytime i hit the pillow i drift away. looking forward to peace. yet when silence comes, it brings you along.. you haunt. yes. haunt. numb from inside out. cold from head to toe..


noise around me fades away. i can hear you. can almost see you.. but, where are you? so close yet so far. so so far away.


it never was supposed to be i guess. you had a mission. God sent for a reason. and it's been fulfilled. i never asked why. i never questioned what you do. i trust in you.


hows it on the other end? much better i assume. you always were the strong one. and i try to be strong too. boy do i try. and being strong.... makes me feel like i'm falling to pieces..


you reached out your hand. and you touched my heart. and there will always be a place. always be a spot. right here for you. although it may not mean much. although i have nothing much to give...


i'm so like you. i'm beginning to see so much of you in me. the good. and also the bad. life goes on.. sad also one day, happy also one day.. might as well be happy huh? its a lie. a lie. its possible to be happy on the outside while on the inside you're rotting away.. and you dont even know it. dont even realise it.. till the worms start crawling out..


i miss you. i can tell you so many times. over and over again. but things have changed. i know. i understand. i accept. i move on. but why the heck do i still feel the pain!!? you don even care as much now. and i don blame you at all. who'd want to care about me anyway?


i am being childish. i am being immature. this is the me you dont like. this is the me that played a part in making you go away. this is the me that cannot let go of you. this is the me that i want to kill.


memories. past.
its all gone now.
and perhaps only i remember.
only i hold dear.
it doesn really matter does it?
to you.


i dont even dare to call you.
i think more then twice before i sms you.
whats the point.
whats the point..


what would the future bring? i fear. i fear the unknown. and the obvious.


i still want to make you proud. the letter still lies unopened. my commitments still stand. my promises still valid. i still want to make you proud.


i said i won't blog about you anymore.
and yes.
i wont.
anymore.


i love you. and i know you know it too.