dear God,


sometimes i wonder, are You even there at all? do You hear my cry? do You know it when i reach out to You.. do You see me..? my mind is my greatest enemy.. it tells me i'm a fool.. it laughs.. and jeers at me.. pride and dignity get in the way.. i want to humble myself.. but i really don't know how.. am i worthy?


for a time such as this... You have called.. You have placed.. but why all the silence now? is it because i already should know? or have You spoken and i have not heard? obedience is better than sacrifice.. i wanted to go out there.. You know. yes.. You know. but not yet.. not just yet.. there's something else that i have to do..


and.. i guess i kinda know what it is...


steps of faith.. no, i don't want to just run after You.. i want to chase You.. pursue after You.. and even be there before You reach.. so i will not miss it.. i don't want a life of following trails.. picking up on last season's revivals.. help me Lord


i see Your rain falling.. i can hear it.. i can smell it.. but i want to feel it.. wash over..


stop here. don't pass me by. don't. hungry for You.. super desperate.. i want that kind of passion.. and that kind of faith.. to say to this mountian, move from there to here.. to here.. here. give me that kind of knowledge.. so that i know of Your glory..


it's so easy to quote.. to believe.. all the doctrine.. all pieces of inked paper.. saying 'yes, i believe in healing' but never actually laying hands to pray for the sick.. saying 'yes, i believe that God has blessed me abundantly' but still living the life of some dead soul.. i want to know You.. and i want You to know me..


lead me? guide me? i'm stepping over the edge now.. and i'll believe for Your miracle.. for Your current to catch me.. *smilez* You and the weird things You do that never ceases to amaze me..


love You so much You know? although You like to bully me sometimes.. *pout* but i know You're just joking.. and i never get seriously hurt or mentally retarded.. (yes, i know i'm born mental~ stop rubbing it in..) but it's still Your fault... You made me.. (hah!) and in Your likeness too~~~ (hahaha) *bluek*


silly Person.. i hurt and i cry.. i fall and i whine.. but You pula come and pick me up.. now i owe You so much.. (yea, i still owe You that movie) i'm aware You could have left me.. and You could have made things even worse! but You came.. and You cried along with me.. You felt the pain i felt.. You covered.. You embraced..


touched.. the heater wasn't on.. but the water was hot at 1am.. why do You do such things for me? just cause You can't physically wipe away my tears.. just cause i try to be so strong and yet fail to stand..


funny.. You're funny.. but You're really sweett.. You laughed at me when i ate too much today.. but i'm better now.. thanks for caring.. *hugz* and stop poking me in the mornings.. i want to sleep in... :( but wake me tomorrow k.. cause i want to go to church.. *grinz*


gosh.. what am i writing..? it's been so long since i felt so close..


love You love You love You.. so much.. so.. much...



take care yea.. *hugz*

drey
20041212
0200 am

p/s sowwy i've been a lil stuck up towards the Friend that You sent to play with me.. i'll talk and fellowship more with Mr Holy Spirit, ok? tell Him not to go away yet.. i want to get to know Him more....