speechless

things are changing so fast..
things are happening too quick..
some bad.. most.. good.

imagine.. me.. cg leader intern..! me?! *shocked*

this time two years ago...
where was i.. ? i was so lost. i thought i had what it takes. i thought i had it all. but no. it was all a lie. one great big lie. stupid. silly. naive. You were not my refuge. You were not my comfort. embracing someone else...

i believed then. but. believing isn't enough. i didn't trust. i didn't follow. i didn't love You enough.. fall. fall. fall. barely started climbing.. hurt and pain. confusion and sorrow.

this time one year ago..
i'm in it again.. stuck.. so so stuck.. can't breathe, can't move, helpless. blind to Concern. deaf to Care. where was i heading? broken promises.. so so many.. so so sorry.. scared to turn to You.. so stained.. so scarred.. dirty. unclean. embracing someone else...

i still believed. but. believing isn't enough. i tried to trust. i tried to follow. i tried to love You more.. fall. fall. fall. arms tired. legs weak. i stopped climbing.. hurt and pain. confusion and sorrow.

this time..
still can't believe i'm here. how did i ever make it? i look back.. i see You. everywhere. everytime. never let go. never gave up. i wept, You cried along. i hurt, You felt it too. touched. unworthy. joy. peace. hope.

how come.. how come.. how could this be..? love so unconditional. grace so abundant. subdued.. mesmerized..

i believe. i trust. i follow. and i love You so.

Jesus.. i love You so..